dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
