so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
