I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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