It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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