i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
