And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fuck appropriateness.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
