i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
