Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
