I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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