I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
