just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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