I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
