i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
