a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
