One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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