I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
