Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
