i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
