Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
