the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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