Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
