I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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