4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
