Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
