I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
