Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
