I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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