for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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