I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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