He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize