I heard we made out
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
