I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
