I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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