Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
