did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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