Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
