no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
