I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
