Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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