i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
