bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
