Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
