I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
