man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
