The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
