your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
