I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Screwed.edu
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
