you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
