she smelled like a LAN party
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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