i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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