please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
