I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Randomize
