My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
